


We Like to Pretend

by Toasterpastries



Category: Rent - Larson
Genre: Character Death, Drug Use, F/M, Minor Violence, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 10:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3646377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toasterpastries/pseuds/Toasterpastries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We like to pretend.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Like to Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever published fanfiction so please don't be to judgemental.

We like to pretend that the pink splatters on the bathroom wall are our roommate Maureen's bad attempt at decorating. But Maureen hates decorating, she doesn’t even like the colour pink.

I was surprised the first time Roger introduced you to me, mainly because he had never held a girlfriend long enough that he could introduce us. I took that introduction as a good sign and stupidly thought that you could be good for him. But there was still that doubt about you in the back of my mind even then, but you made Roger happy so I made an attempt to get along with you. I liked the month April. So why couldn’t I like the person. Why couldn’t I like you?

We like to pretend that Roger isn’t scared to go in the bathroom, and doesn’t flinch every time he tries to use the bath.

I thought It was strange the first night Roger didn’t come home it just wasn’t like him. Even when we first moved in here after college with Maureen, Collins and Benny,he would always come home earlier than the rest of them, when they went out to party. He always came back no matter what. So I blamed it on something else, made up an excuse for him; his band was playing late, he crashed at a friends because of the weather or he just crashed at yours. I didn’t say anything, even when it went on for weeks and weeks. 

We like to pretend that my college friend Benny didn’t stop living with us because of the screams he heard late into the night. 

The pattern of absence continued for weeks on end. I would wait up into the early hours of the morning sitting on our worn out couch staring at the front door, hoping that this would be the night that he would come home, (hopefully without you.) But he never did. That’s when I started to worry, but I didn’t say anything, mainly because I didn’t have any one to say it to.  
We like to pretend that Collins didn’t start sleeping at work because he couldn’t stay home and watch Roger repeat the same mistakes he had made.  
The first time he came home in weeks he looked ill, his face was pale and hollow, his eyes were blood shot and dark black circles had formed around them. He walked straight past me and fell face first on to the couch. He didn’t say a word to me, I don’t think he could. That’s when I started wondering what you two were up to 

We like to pretend that September the 8th never happened. So when that day comes around it passes without a word.

The first time I spoke to him months, it was like speaking to no one. Roger stood there completely unaware of reality. He didn’t even utter a single word as I stood in front of him ranting about him staying out so late and how dangerous I believed you were for him. As soon as I had finished speaking he walked off. That’s when I realised that Roger wasn’t there any more; this ghost of a man was not my friend.

We like to pretend that Roger didn’t spend months locked up his room, not just because it scared me. 

The first time I caught you two together it was in the alley behind the moonlight diner. I pretended not to notice the needle that was hanging from his arm. I just continued with what I was doing, I pinned it as a one-time thing, I didn’t believe Roger was that stupid to continue and I trusted my friend to do the right thing. I didn’t say anything how stupid was I?

We like to pretend that April is just a month and nothing more. 

The first time I confronted him about the drugs, it ended in smashed dishes and chipped cups. I wouldn’t be the last time that it would happen.

We like to pretend that I didn’t spend all those months after; black, blue and broken just like those dishes. 

That’s when I started hiding those little plastic bags filled with that white powder. I binned them, flushed them, gave them away and in a desperate attempt I even bribed your dealer to stop selling both of you anything. But you and your cunning ways. You always found a way to keep him in supply no matter what; no matter how hard I tried.

We like to pretend that we all don’t still have nightmares about what happened and that they don’t affect Roger the worst. 

It was a couple of weeks later after the diner incident. I was heading out to work when the phone rang, which I though was strange because that phone only rang once a year at Hanukah. When I answered it was Anthony one of Roger band members telling me that they had found someone else, that he was out of the band. That’s when I realised that you had finally got what you wanted, Roger all to yourself. That’s when I knew you and i had to have a little talk.

We like to pretend that Roger doesn’t still blame himself for every thing that happened.

The first time I had full conversation with you, it was both of us screaming at each other, you telling me how he was happy now and how you knew what was best for him. But did you really?

We like to pretend that we have all forgotten what has happened.  
It was that morning I woke up to Roger screaming the house down. That is something I would never forget, the way the sound echoed round the house like a nail dropped in a tin can, the way the noise shuddered me to the very core. When I discovered what had caused such a sound, I knew this time you had gone too far.

We like to pretend that you didn’t kill yourself in that bath April, the blood from your wrists mixing with the bath water, causing ugly swirling patterns to form. Something that would stain into our minds and the off white porcelain of the bath for years to come, but also that you didn’t leave that note for Roger with those three words. 

We’ve got AIDS

But that’s all it is pretending.


End file.
